Catch your breath, because surely you gasped at realizing I posted a new post on my blog.
I know, me too.
Its been so very long, and so very much has happened. Gained and lost a real boyfriend, a relationship that lasted for weeks and could have gone weeks, maybe even months more, had I not decided to end it.
Why would I do such a thing? Knowing about my situation with my husband, at least the last time I posted about him, you would know that we have been separated over two years. I sent him divorce papers back in April and he finally, after five months, wanted to talk. Since then, he has been talking to me, and I have been praying.
Having gone back and forth with him now for about a year, I was so close to being done. Moving on. It was not an easy thing to decide to do the hard thing, the right thing, and stay with my husband and work things out. Reconciliation is what I have always wanted between us. To have us both learn and grow from the mistakes we have made and move toward better people and share a deeper love.
People that have been married for decades usually tell me that they almost didn't make it, how close they were to splitting up several times. But always say how glad they are that they stayed. One woman confided in me that because she got married at thirty, she had already experienced several relationships with different guys. They all were the same just with a different person. Instead of leaving her husband nearly thirty years ago and starting over with someone else, she is so grateful that she stuck things out because now he is the man of her dreams.
Granted, none of these stories is my own and anything worth having is going to take work. I understand that the odds are literally against my marriage. However, I do want to be able to look back over the decades and laugh when I see how far God brought me and know that I did not become a statistic. It has taken a few weeks to accept that I accepted this decision. To warm up to it. To allow it to settle into my bones and really believe. But I have...mostly. Everyday I feel a little bit better about my situation. I remember my favorite quote from the movie Valentine's Day, that love is the last shocking act left. I figure that this time around, I am putting all of my love, hope, faith, and trust in God, who wants me to do this anyway. I know that if I test him on his word, he will come out on top and I will be blessed for my obedience no matter how things turn out.
June 13th, I will be reunited with my husband. So many emotions...excitement, fear, anticipation, skepticism, hope, fledgling love, joy, to name a few. If you pray, please pray for us. I certainly have been.
