A fish may love a bird, but where would they live?

My merman has changed, but it doesn't change what God thinks about it all.

Le Sigh!

If I wait for my life to get stable, for things to be less dramafied, I may never experience joy, contentment, hope, love, etc.

The tensions build in me about what to do, and who to do it with, and I know that there seems to be a right thing to do here...but the right thing and the right thing for me may not be the same.  I think I know what's right for me, that thinking almost six years ago got me the in current situation I am in now with Stephen.  Would that thinking take me into a new cycle of the same old same old if I simply pursued Sean?

Stanford doesn't seem as close as it did just a few weeks ago.  I am working more now, taking on about two more shifts a week, but I don't know that it will be enough to pay the bill down by the end of the summer. I am considering just moving to California anyway at the end of my lease here in Illinois and beginning my life there.  I just don't want to bring this unfinished drama with me.

Speaking Too Soon

The dramedy that is my life is still rolling.  I figured, I would wait until the dust settles before I report on the goings on, but then I end up getting more kicked up.

At the moment, I have a court date this Friday afternoon.  Stephen was going to buy a plane ticket tomorrow and we were going to get back together, and I told him no.  I decided to go ahead with the divorce.  Who knows what will happen tomorrow let alone this fall when I am planning to return to Stanford.

Maybe I will move to New York with Sean.

Maybe I will move to Cali anyway and beg to have them let me back in if I haven't paid the amount off.

I am just going to be so satisfied, content, happy, relieved, and stable when everything has settled down.