Adventures on Craigslist

So last night, a comedian who has been responding to my craigslist ad called me and we talked, supposedly decided to catch a late movie. However, another young gentleman, rather he was an older gentleman, got a hold of me and offered to hang out at his hotel and play scrabble or grab a drink. He is selling his house in Chicago and he travels for his job so they have been putting him up in a hotel for about 18 months. So I got together with this guy, we did watch tv and play scrabble, he cooked some sausage and pasta dish and after we ate, we basically got it on. I mean, he was in really good shape, outlasted me by at least half an hour, then we watched a little more tv and went to sleep. We woke up around ten and he took me to a place called Panera for breakfast. I got a panini looking all natural egg and applewood bacon sandwich with organic yogurt, granola and maple pecans and strawberries and he got an egg sandwich with sausage and coffee. We showed each other youtube videos, then he dropped me off. I just sent him a thank you email and don't know if I will hear from him again or not. I mean, he was handsome, smart, funny, had been in theatre so was a little animated, and I was able to joke with him and obviously feel very comfortable with him but at some points in our romp I was thinking of how I had recently done the same thing with Matt, albiet me and Matt went without a glove, and before that it had been with Stephen. I suddenly and fiercly wanted my husband. Not necessarily Stephen but the man who I was married to who I could give myself completely to. I tried to ignore the thought, and it did go away after a while, but it still stuck with me as I tried to sleep. He wasn't a spooner or cuddler. Matt was.

I have a date later this week with Paul and I am actually really looking forward to it. I talked to Lisa this morning and after being "dating girl" for almost a month I really want to get back to being in a relationship with a guy. Actually, scratch that, I want to experience a real relationship with a guy who I know likes me and wants to be with me and I want to be with him. A majority of my relationships from high school through my marriage were me pulling the strings and convincing both myself and the guy that we were together and belonged together. Nearly every year of my marriage Stephen and I had a huge discussion about whether or not to stay together. Usually it was him debating whether or not to leave. It was like he always had one foot out the door. I would like to be rid of the drama that has become our non-existant but legally binding relationship. I want to have a boyfriend that calls or txts or emails that I can talk to and not have to juggle with rando other guys who are looking for a quick f*ck.