When I first moved here:
- Met a guy at the Blind Pig with his female coworker, they mostly talked and I drank a cider ale. I actually talked to her more than anything.
- Met a guy late one night in the library parking lot. He took me to dinner at Steak n Shake then we caught the midnight showing of Kill Bill Vol. I.
I told both those guys in November that I was moving back to Texas, and I really thought I was going to, but I ended up staying here through the holiday....
After Christmas and New Year's:
- Met a medical student named David at the library and he brought $5 in quarters so I could do my laundry and we could hang out and get to know each other. Well, he kept complimenting me and started trying to kiss me after about five minutes. Before the clothes were in the dryer good, I was on top of the washing machine, topless, legs akimbo with his face between them. It had been sooooo long since anybody had even touched me, so I was very sensitive and took a wee bit too long stopping him. I was able to get him to stop, and we talked a little bit more. After he went back to work, we exchanged a few txts and he told me he was going to be busy for a while. Yeah, haven't heard from him since.
- Met a guy who worked at CVS and I had already talked to him one day about their photo lab position. Turned out that he responded to my cl ad. We went to the movies and saw He's Just Not That Into You on a Sunday after exchanging a few txts Friday and talking on the phone for hours Friday night/Saturday morning. I found out he was bi, and since then we have basically become friends. He is actually kind of blunt, indifferent, and can joke in a mean way, but since every other guy I have met has tried to jump my bones, I like him because he hasn't. We have gone riding late at night into the early morning around town and the towns in the area just riding, talking, or listening to music, hanging out at a Walmart or Meijer. He bought me breakfast this morning and last time we rode he gave me a thorough tour of his hometown of Rantoul. From the stories he tells me, he has been with more guys than girls and he refers to himself as a gay guy but he is still kind of hung up on one of his ex girlfriends. Apparently, he only screws guys but he has relationships with chics. Not me though. I haven't even been to his place because he says his roommates are racist. Yeah, I can't decifer that one, so I am going to enjoy the air mattress he bought me from CVS with his discount and the two bags of Fritos flavor twists that he swiped for me as well.
- Matt.....his story has been told already, but he is one of the guys I am rooting for. I will have to transcribe some of his texts or snippets from his emails. We are still in contact and he has made it seem like he wants to keep in touch and maybe there will be something when I am finally legally and officially no longer married (I detest the term divorced)
- Met a PhD music student who also taught a few instruments and was a fan of Stargate. He knew about Matt and still wanted to get the chance to meet. We hung out at his apartment and watched The Secretary and a few episodes/movies of Stargate. I ate a little left over pizza and after we fooled around we got tacos from Taco Bell. He was in the middle of PhD testing that week and had been essentially sleeping two or three hours a night for a few weeks and I told him that I wished him good luck and told him to let me know when he was free. Since then, he emailed me (after I sent him another message) telling me "I really think we hit it off and everything but I would rather take it easy as friends" and that he is really busy and at a pivotal point in his life but I could email him whenever. Yeah, I decided that I would no longer pursue a guy and instead would let him pursue me. Of course, its a process and I still find myself nudging a few of them along time and again.
- Met a U of I junior at Cafe Luna last Thursday after babysitting. He responded to my ad, sent a pic, and told me he had a mohawk. We met at the terminal and walked to the Cafe. My friend had given me some left over dip and chips and after we enjoyed a few hours talking til the cafe closed Paul offered to carry my stuff as he walked me home. He looked cold so I wrapped my arm around his for the last part of the walk. At my door, we sort of stood looking at each other and he hugged me, but instead of just going in, since I really wanted to kiss him, I went in again but he went in at a sidehug and gave me a kiss somewhere near the bottom of my cheek. We tried, unsuccessfully, one last time and then I went inside. As akward as it was, I loved how simple and innocent and classic it was. I told him during the date that I had planned on dressing "cute" but didn't have time to change after babysitting and he said I did look cute. He later asked me if I had ever been to Ko Fushion and when I told him no he said we should go. I responded that in fact, how about we meet next time there and dress snazzy. So it became our "fancy pants" dinner.
- Met a stay at home dad for breakfast and he brought his son. We ate at Taffies then we hung out at his house while his adopted Vietnamese son napped. He told me that he told his wife we were meeting and he made it clear that he just needed to get out of the house and have some adult interaction. I was kind of quiet and let him sort of use me as a soundboard and thought of it as my good deed for the day. I am not trying to be his woman on the side, no ma'am, but I do understand going stir crazy and its nice to have a friend that you can talk to and maybe share some innocent flirting with. We are getting together tomorrow morning to watch a movie or something before I have to get ready for orientation at the State Farm job. I find that I operate best when I have something solid to look forward to in my week.
- Met an older gentleman who does recruiting for a mechanics school and travels within Central Illinois. His house in the suburbs of Chicago has been on the market for about 18 months and his job has been putting him up in a hotel for that time and he wanted to get together with me on Saturday after returning from a day trip to Chicago. The idea was that we would play scrabble and chill in his room. On the way to pick me up, he had a bottle of cheap wine from the Country Pantry or some kind of store. We watched tv, did play scrabble (I won at the last possible moment), we ate some sausage and pasta dish, then he gave me my prize, a massage, and I didn't realize how tense I was. He barely pressed into my shoulders and I was seriously wincing. Of course, clothes came off and I ended up doing something that I never thought I would again, I let a man besides my husband, AWOL as he is, inside of me. And he had a small curved thing too. The thing was though that his machinations on my chest had me finished in ten minutes but he kept going for at least another half hour. And he was having trouble getting the condom to stay on, but it did, made sure of that. Afterward, we watched a little more tv, I had a snack, and we went to sleep. When we woke up, he took me to breakfast at Panera's then dropped me off at my apartment. My roommate was up and asked if I had been at home that night or if I had stayed over someplace and I answered directly but vaguely and there were no follow up questions.
There haven't been any since he saw me walk in the morning after Valentine's day with a bouquet of flowers and I told him I wasn't dating the guy and I hadn't had anyone over. Then I told him that the guy didn't like me anymore after Matt first cut things off. I have no idea what he thinks is going on with me, but I believe that as soon as I start getting my weekly checks, things are going to go a lot smoother between us. Plus I won't have time to be going all around town. Now, the crazy thing is I totally deleted those posts so I have no idea how they are still online and getting responses.
- Then there was this afternoon. A half Italian comedian met me for lunch at the food court and he was funny, a young 30 year old decent looking guy, uneducated, rough past, two marriages and kids, but he got a little weird right off the bat when he kept saying how beautiful I was and joking about us getting married. After lunch, we walked around, and he took my hand and said how glad he was that we met. I stepped into the arcade to play a quick game of DDR which I haven't done in ages. He didn't want to do it. We then went to Macy's since they are one of his sponsors and I looked for a dress but couldn't find my size so one of the sales associates helped me try and find a decent outfit. None of the pants fit and only two of the six tops fit. They were XL and size 18. The guy thought I shouldn't worry about loosing weight, that I looked great as I was, and I was trying to explain that I wasn't looking to drop 100 lbs, I just wanted to be a comfortable size 16 again so I could shop in regular stores for trendy clothes. He ended up buying me one of the blouses. On the way out of the mall, we stopped at a candy store and bought me some candy. He gave me a ride to the library and gave me a button and one of the knecklaces that he sells on the road. Nothing expensive, but it was clear that the guy was into me. And you know what, I was not that into him. He used the call back a bit too much and made me and the sales girl a little uncomfortable when he went on about "pee coats". Apparently he had never heard of them before. He held my hand and gave me side hugs and when he finally stopped talking in the parking lot of the library and I was getting ready to leave, he gave me another hug and two small pecks on the lips. He is leaving today for a 12 day trip for a Biker convention or something in Florida, and thankfully he did say that he was fine if we were just friends but I knew he was already planning our first dinner date.
After all the guys and mixed signals and unreturned calls, txts, or emails I get a guy that is genuinely smitten with me and I am just not that into him. He calls himself The Mohawk. Isn't fate cruel? Anyway, later on this week, I have my first "date" with a 38 year old English teacher named Mark who is in the midst of changing careers. He taught in the bay area after college only to move back here when he got burned out and wanted to be closer to his parents. Also, the real highlight of the week is the second date with Paul at a sushi bar called Ko Fushion. I haven't heard from him, sent him a text I believe yesterday with something innnocuous like, "Hope your weekend went well, unless its still going on..." He hasn't emailed me, but I told him that I would let him know my schedule as soon as I found out. I think enough time has passed for me to call him and let him know when I am free, right? Well, I still haven't slept yet since I got home yesterday (Sunday) from my night of debauchery and ate, spent a few hours thoroughly cleaning the bathroom which I don't think my roommate ever cleaned since he first moved in, and then went riding around with Scott (CVS guy) so I have to go to bed at a decent hour but don't want to wake up at 3am and not be able to go back to sleep.
*Tears up* Champagne Supernova by Oasis is playing in the background and I am shaking almost here at the library starring at the emailed pic of Matt. Why am I jonesing? Yesterday/this morning/last night while I was riding around and hanging with Scott I had some mood swings and saw things in my peripheral. Not a good sign, and I haven't even started working yet. I am so afraid of going crazy again and ruining all the ground I have gained in this time, like I have done for the past two years straight.
Why why why why whyyyyyyy?
-lyrics playing right now-
Ok. I got up and used the restroom, I am ok now. I have tomorrow morning to look forward to, with the movies with Chip. I have tomorrow night's orientation for State Farm. I have Wednesday filing the petition for divorce and I have the Cracker Barrel orientation Friday afternoon. I am going to call Paul and tell him I am free Friday night or Saturday night and whichever one he can't do I will work at State Farm that night. I am hoping he can do Friday night cause I don't mind working at State Farm all day Saturday unless I need some of that time for Cracker Barrel. I will keep you all posted, and more importantly, I vow to keep my legs closed until not only the divorce is final but I am at least in a serious and committed relationship with someone who likes and cares about me.
I don't think there is anything else to add about what has been going on with me. Feel free to comment.
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