Update for the Masses

To Be Or Not To Be


That is the question that Shakespeare's character asked in the play Hamlet. I have asked myself several times in my life whether or not I wanted to live. Sad times. Recently, the question has changed into, "To be a professor, or to be a writer" or "To join the peace corps or to teach English in Japan" or "To go back to San Antonio or to stay here in Champaign" or "To stay with Stephen or not to stay with Stephen".

After weeks of going back and forth, changing almost daily my decision on these important life quagmires, I have decided solidly on a few things:

1. I am staying in Champaign. I am looking into getting food stamps, a better job, and a studio/efficiency apartment from now to Aug/Sept 2010

2. Tomorrow I am getting the paperwork from the courthouse and filing for divorce. Just typing those words turns my stomach, but Stephen is back to not answering my call or returning my texts and voice sms messages. I wanted to wait, work things out, give him a chance, continue to defend him to concerned (and rightly so) family and friends but everyone agrees that it seems he doesn't want to lose the relationship but isn't willing to work for it. Which leads to tomorrow's PURITY PLEDGE!!!! I am getting a ring, the Joshua Harris book "Boy Meets Girl: Girl Meets Boy", and a journal and making a pledge with whoever wants to to God and myself that I will commit myself to being a spiritual virgin until I am married again. No more 1 night stands, no more late night first dates, no more spending the night at a guy's place. I am going to date Christian men here on out and Lord willing will find someone who I can share the rest of my adventurous life with.

I am working part time at cracker barrel, am about to start working full time at State farm again doing telephone surveys in the evening and will start the Summer Youth Employment Program at the beginning of May. At the end of the summer, August, I will take advantage of free CNA training and once the summer program ends in September I should be able to quit the spherion job and get hired as a CNA. Lisa pointed out that there are receptionist and secretarial jobs paying over $10/hr on craigslist but a lot of them are spam. I applied to the recent ones anyway, just in case. I have entertained the idea of being a bus operator for the MTD here in Champaign. Great pay, get a cool driver's license code, and plenty of benefits and perks. Basically, by the end of the summer, I could potentially be in a position to have a large portion of the Stanford bill paid off. My goal is to make at least $1,200 a month. That will allow me the:

$525 for Stanford
$50 for Wood Hollow
$60 for therapist
$365 for rent
$100 for utilities
$100 for clothes, entertainment, gym membership, knitting yarn


I am still waiting for the dealership to give me the payment refund. Since my mother in law traded in my car, I am in a position to recieve anywhere from a grand to $2,500 because of some insurance thing. I will use that to get my apartment and make my first Stanford payment while I get caught up in putting money into savings and so forth.


May is when I plan on joining the gym Refinery with my friend Ayanna from Cracker Barrel. Getting down to my high school weight of 160 is almost 100 lbs away, doable, but will take about 2 years safely. I am ready for it. I want to go back to Stanford looking good, financially fit, and ready to rock.


I did also entertain the idea of changing my major to English, thinking it would help with the writing. I also thought about divinity school versus a Ph.D. Being a professor, I would teach about Black Hair. Being a speaker and writer I would focus on Christian issues, but could also write about black hair. I still have time.

Lord willing.


Thanks for catching up with me, I appreciate you reading! Leave a comment and let me know you stopped by.