Firehaus

Drunk people are

crazy
funny
loud
clumsy
crass
bold
slutty


and the list would go on, but I don't care to learn any more about the character of those too inebriated to carry on intellectual conversation.

So I get a text message yesterday evening around six or seven pm about a birthday party for a co-worker, Raul, from another co-worker, Elise. The guy was turning 21 and we were going to meet up at a bar called Firehaus to celebrate. I had never been there before, but I was eager to get out of the house and decided that it would be worth going to college town and being around young drunk co-eds for a night away from babysitting and reading. I didn't necessarily want to get wasted or anything, I mean I am on medication anyway, but that has never been my scene.

I walk there once Shay gets back from bible study after i watched Shy and was the second person there. Mike, a co-worker, was already there and drinking. When I first met him, he struck me as someone who harbored a lot of anger and negative feelings but worked in a job in which he had to suppress them. Evan, you guessed it, another co-worker, then showed up and Mike bought him a beer. Evan is kind of cute, looks like Stephen, but when I asked Loneisha about him a few weeks ago, she told me, "Oh, no, you don't wanna go there. He broke up with Cheri because she wouldn't sleep with him." Now, I am not a huge gossip person, but that account made it very clear to me that I would be careful not to be too friendly with this one.

It took an hour before the host of the party and the birthday boy to get there. She had a chocolate cake homemade from scratch. Cheri and I danced when the DJ first set up and it was fun having the frat boys cat call my skills. I doubt they had ever seen someone that close breakin it down on the dance floor. More people showed up, more beers flowed. I ordered a basket of fries and used the $3.50 Belau gave me for buying him ice cream when me and Douglas went to walmart the other night. Belau is Shay's friend and I met Douglas at the bipolar support group. He helped me get the crisis stabilization appointment.

Anyway, Mike started to dance with us, aka Cheri, and eventually made it painfully and awkwardly clear that he wanted to have sex with Cheri people be damned. He was kissing her kneck, hand on her butt, other hand on her bra strap and drunk as all get out. I was able to rescue her, had to try and maneuver my way between them so he wouldn't keep bothering her trying to get her to leave with him. He asked her to give him a ride home, but when we left he slurred, "Am I gonna give you a ride now?" Elise left, Raul kept saying he didn't want to dance until another girl showed up. I didn't catch her name, but like Cheri, she was slender and good looking and he definitely wanted to dance with her.

I don't know, I guess I will never get danced with at a party. All the time and effort I have put into becoming a good dancer at parties has done nothing for getting me a dance partner. I remember the two parties I went to while at Stanford. One was with a fellow camper visiting the campus. He asked me to get him some beer, I hesitated but yielded to try and be cool then took him to a black party. He danced with me. That was fun. The second party, I got there way early, hung out with the guy who was going to dj because we were friends. Then once the party got started, there were too many other good looking girls there to compete with so I just walked home. Alone. I believe at the time Stephen was either at work or simply didn't want to go because he didn't dance and it was like pulling teeth to get him to do so.

So flash forward to last night. I saw the guys dancing with Cheri and the other chic that I was hanging out with, asking to dance mere moments before, and I had to deal with the dejection in my heart. I was taken back to the high school drama club dance that I got turned down to dance during "I Like Big Butts" because of my rear-ended rear end. I did see a black guy being "the black person" in his group dancin it up so when the Cupid Shuffle came on I danced with them and that was fun. Mike, in an attempt to shove another drink at Cheri, spilled beer on my jeans. I had to rinse them off in the restroom. He got some beer on my phone, but it still works... so far.

If I learned anything last night, its that I only want to go out if the focus is not on alcohol. Everyone DROVE HOME!!! Droves of students spilled into the streets at two am and most drove off into the night. Buzzed driving is drunk driving and most of them were drunk. Evan left early, we tried to get him not to drive, but he got upset and since he is the guy Cheri is trying to get over there was some extra drama there. Then, after Cheri got me home, we sat in her car for an hour and talked.

She gave me the skinny on her and Evan. He actually didn't want to take her virginity. She is 23, had a very sheltered life, and was about to give it to him, and he THANKFULLY decided to end things right there. He admitted that he was using her feelings to get what he wanted. During this talk, I shared my testimony about how I too was afraid I would be alone and wouldn't find anyone and spent months and even years in some cases holding on to the feelings I had over a relationship long dead. I told her because it was her first relationship, her feelings were valid and real, but that it was time to let it go and give it God. He would be able to heal her and prepare her for the next, prayerfully better, relationship.

I finally made it into the house and onto the couch by about 3:45am. Shay wakes me up at 10:15 am and asks me to watch the girls because she needs to pick up a few things at the store. I had to wake up, fold up the blankets, and started some oatmeal to take my medication...oops which I still haven't taken....hold on....alright back and medicated X-)

We ran errands, I came back and took a long bath and used the awesome stuff that Elaine Parker, my twin sister in Christ got me when we hung out yesterday after bible study. It was storming and flooding yesterday morning. I had my therapy session then swam to the library to return some books, do some bible study, then look into some scholarships. After bible study, we went to Target, Sally's and the Dollar Tree. She bought me bath stuff, stationary, and some Jose Ole Chimichangas and I bought some oil for my locs, deoderant and band aids. Had I not got that text, or if I didn't have to babysit at the last minute, I would have tried it last night. But I was glad to have the leisure to listen to my music and soak, though I couldn't do so properly so I had to soak on my sides then on my back, and since I was still sore from all the dancing forwent the soaking on my front.

Shay and Belau went to run some errands and I went to pick up my check from Cracker Barrel. I missed the bus and decided to walk to get my daily exercise. After Lincoln and Bradley, I got to a country road next to Busey woods and the graveyard and golf course. A guy in a car pulls up next to me and says, "Hey baby, you okay? Do you need a ride?" It was a young black guy, not ghetto but not corporate. Either way, I would never accept a ride from a guy. So I declined and said I was almost there. I enjoyed the walk next to the trees, snapped some great phone pics, and pray/talked with God about Stephen, my decision about leaving for San Antonio or not, and the idea that my calling may involve ministry and counseling after last night's talk with Cheri. I felt, man, you never know when you are going to need to give someone a word. You have to always be prepared!

After I got off the path in the woods and back on the road, the trees on the side of the road dispersed and the bright sun met me once again. Just then, another car with a young black woman pulled up. She had seen me earlier walking past Lincoln and Bradley and offered me a ride. Cheri had called and text me to let me know she was eating, alone, at Cracker Barrel already and I was planning on meeting her. I thanked the woman and told her that I prayed God bless her tenfold for her kindness. Cheri and I talked briefly and she is going to pick me back up when she gets off and we are going to get "He's Just Not That Into You" and watch it at her place. She told me that the conversation we had helped me to open her eyes and she did pray that God take it away, all of it, her feelings and emotions and thoughts about him to help her move on.

I was so encouraged when she told me that. I now believe that the calling on my life does deal with young people and relationships. In junior high, I thought about being a relationship psychiatrist, then a child and adolescent psychologist. Since then, the majority of careers I have seriously wanted to pursue have centered around helping people in some way. With the Christian author/speaker, I can counsel and minister to hundreds of people at a time in a book, magazine or newspaper article, or talk. I can achieve postgraduate degrees both from a seminary and a phD in something that makes sense at the time to pursue.

I feel like I haven't updated in a while, I guess I will have to strive for more than once a week then. But yeah, that's everything basically that's going on. Stephen sent me a text yesterday morning after I called and text him the night before and earlier that morning saying he was at work then and we would talk that night. I txt him asking what time and since then haven't heard from him and he hasn't responded to my calls or texts. The usual.

Oh! I am going to fast next week starting on Sunday. No cell phone, computer, television, movies, newspapers, extra books, nothing! Only my bible and prayer life. I want to get closer to God and really seek His face about me and Stephen, the issue with San Antonio, and my calling. I may need to do it for longer than a week, but I plan on starting for a week and seeing where God leads me. Cheri said she would do it with me. I pray that my first fasting experience is fruitful and that I gain the answers to the questions I am raising.

God bless.