Since last year, I have lost 15lbs. I have decided to focus on healthy choices overall instead of pounds lost, but I do keep track every month I see my psychiatrist. What I eat, when, and walking or biking whenever I can have all contributed to slimming down. Now that the weather is starting to get nicer, I will be able to walk or bike for leisure instead of pure sole transportation and have discovered a few food combinations like frozen veggies and fish that work for me.
I performed at V. Picasso's new open mic night last Wednesday and had so much fun. The stage is such a natural medium for me. Hostessing the show and reciting both poetry and my own prose, I felt like my truest self.
As of late, I have been accumulating suitors. Odd to have not only one but two guys who like me. I have so much to learn both about myself and the wiles of men.
Sticking with keeping my work schedule during the week, I am hoping to decrease my stress and lessen the intensity of my psychotic symptoms. Seeing and hearing things that no one else does is only the beginning. Thinking someone called my name or is whistling right behind me, that is nothing compared to what I could be hearing and believing. As much beef as I practically got from various managers about choosing not to work Saturdays and Sundays, I am being as pre-emptive as possible for my mental health. Someone told me that as long as I am working, I will most likely not get disability. In tat case, I will keep appealing until I return to campus and not work as a student or something.
My mom is on vacation in Vegas again this week. She goes every year now. I am glad she is having fun and enjoying her life. Despite the fact that my youngest sister and her child along with my younger brother are living with her, my mom is living in her own one bedroom apartment, with her paid off vehicle, and I am proud of her. My sister, the older youngest one, has a car but no license so my youngest sister drives her around. At least she has a system there.
Since I am going to be trying to live with Christy next year, I am figuring in what it will mean to be in Illinois for at least another two or three years. Paying $135 a month, it will take about three more years to get it down to a reasonable amount for Mary Morrison to work with. Chances are good that as long as they accept it, I will be donating plasma every week for an additional $200 a month. That will take care of my meds, therapy appointments, and going out money.
I have been approved for a fee waiver with the court and will be getting the papers sent to the Bexar County Sheriff tomorrow to be served to Stephen. Within 30 days of that, I will have a hearing. Once the hearing is done, I have to send a copy of the judgement to Stephen then a certificate saying I mailed a copy of the judgement to Stephen and I will be divorced officially. I believe that when he originally left me, our covenant was broken (in sickness and in health). I offered reconciliation and he hasn't taken it so our covenant has remained broken. With that understanding and Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 7, which I have mentioned several times, I have peace about the situation. I still, however, remember things almost daily that I used to have which have now been thrown away under Stephen's care. I also remember randomly, every once in a while, how we used to be. How I used to feel. I know its a process. And now is the time to embrace the grieving process truly as this is the final curtain call for our relationship.
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