U P D A T E
I have been doing a lot of thinking, soul searching, and even praying.
I do not like the way I have been acting, the behavior I have chosen, and the path I seem to find myself on.
Looking back on the blog entries, I can see that my life has started spiraling and nothing ever spirals upward.
Ever since I had that conversation with a military woman after work about relationships and doing what I want to do with my life, I have seriously considered pursuing the inspirational speaker/author profession/career for myself after I return from the Peace Corps.
Unless I don't get into the Peace Corps, I won't be pursuing the J.E.T. program to teach English in Japan.
So I want to do the following:
-Re-establish my personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ
-Find and join a Christian Community church; I don't want to attend a college church and I would like a church that is open and has families and youth services and a strong foundation in Biblical teaching and support
-Fellowship with other believers who can keep me accountable about being and remaining faithful and virtuous to who God calls His people to be (no more pre-marital or extra-marital relations)
-Begin looking into the certification and training a Youth Pastor/Youth Bible Study Leader would obtain in order to use it as a foundation and background to my career
-Develop a business plan and model for what exactly I expect my calling to entail. I already have several book ideas and topics I could discuss at churches who need a speaker for special events or youth programs
B says he wants to "willing to try a full on approach to Christianity" and as great as that is, I am thinking part of his motivation to do so would be to not lose my presence in his life. Either way, I am going to help him come to terms with that decision and perhaps the kingdom will gain a name in the book of life.
Matt hasn't called, texted, or emailed so as expected I had become an easy piece of tail for him. I do want to get my sushi and fondue kits from him, but I can wait until he contacts me (probably right around the time he is back in town) so I can pick those items up from him. Last bit of closure there really. Especially since we never got to use them and I was planning on using them all the time after our supposed romantic Valentine's Day Weekend.
Mark and I haven't set up a time to see each other this Sunday, I hope things are ok there, because we might bump into each other at Needleworks for Saturday knit club. As far as I know, we are still friends.
Stephen may owe me money. The apartment complex sent me a bill in November and over $285 is from removing trash and cleaning the apartment. I was also under the impression that he would return the key and remove my items and clean the apartment before the end of September, I left on the 25th of September so he should have been able to. He told my mom that he would clean the apartment and remove the items. I emailed him a copy of the statement and left him a voicemail message. He still hasn't returned my calls or emails. By Wednesday April 1st, 2009 1pm if I haven't heard from him, I am going to begin filing a petition for a divorce. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that doesn't want to be in the relationship, or someone who refuses to communicate with me at all for weeks on end. I have accepted the fact that we will not reconcile and I have completed the five stages of grief over the loss of my marriage. Today, I am hopeful and encouraged. I get another chance. This time, I will use the experience I have and the mistakes I have made and give it to God to provide me with the husband and father or my children that my heart and life deserve.
Adam S. Carter helped me out at Meijer last Saturday and today he called during his break to talk to me. I told him I wanted to bend his ear. Today in therapy I realized I have never dated a Christian guy. Both Stephen and B said the same things, that they would go to church with me, but I recall Stephen with his head on my shoulder almost curled up on the pew during an evening youth program one Saturday. Adam helped me talk through some of the ideas I mentioned earlier about finding a good church home and fellowshiping with believers that can help keep me accountable. He said I could call him tonight after he gets off work. I will. I want to have an honest platonic relationship with a guy who I can fellowship and joke with without considering him as potential dating material during the entirety of the companionship. I am hopeful ^_^
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