Living Right Until I Marry Mr. Right

I went to the library today and checked out at least 18 books, most of them for me and my pledge sisters. I am excited about life because of the pledge I made and the hope that it brings. So many people, in response to my news, say that they could never do something like that. I reply, neither can we, on our own. It is something that God doesn't want us to have to struggle with. When we love Him with our whole heart, then we can do whatever we want. I got that from a church signs book. Good stuff.

So yeah, Shay described to me the concept that I was in seeing as how she lived it herself not too long ago: Stephen is stringing me along. He likes me, no doubts there, but he doesn't like me enough to really be in the relationship. He does not, however, want anyone else in the relationship. So he gives me enough to keep holding fast and to keep the hope alive only to set back and wait me out.

After talking to her and Dan, I figured a thought I had a few weeks ago does make sense even more so now. Stephen is still AWOL since last Monday. Today was our 4th monthaversary that we have been celebrating since our first month married. He didn't call, respond to my text, and still hasn't communicated with me. I will send him the papers and move forward with the divorce. Unless he gets saved and moves up here, I don't see how any action of his could stop me. He talks big but never quite seems to follow through. Once he gets the papers, one of three things will happen:

1. He does nothing. I file the documents with the county clerk. Have a court date on the docket. Show up in court. The marriage is dissolutioned.
   
2. He calls or texts or emails or whatever in response to the papers and tries to talk to me about them-going forward with them or attempting to talk me out of them
   
3. He makes arrangements to move out here and really reconcile no matter what this time

I don't know what will happen. I do know that tomorrow morning when I go to Land of Lincoln Legal Assistance I will seek legal counsel, since I have already sought wise counsel from nearly everyone I know and all signs point to leave him, with the exception of three that simply said to pray for him. I will then go down the road to the post office and mail the petition for dissolution of marriage and two documents he needs to sign in order to expedite the process.

I know Stephen's friends and acquaintances read my blog. I am under the impression that maychance he even reads it. So I somehow sense that he will have this information before he gets the papers in the mail. I sent him a sincere card saying basically let's not give up and keep trying because I wanted to with a gift for our 4.5 year anniversary recently. I told him I wanted to do counseling, that if he was serious about reconciling we could find a way to do it, and that if we were going to have any chance of making the marriage work, he and I would need to live in the same space away from the people that were not yet supporting the reconciliation. Lord only knows where things will go from here.


I just need to be resolute.